Sunday, April 12, 2009

Sex without Intercourse

When most people talk about “sex” they mean intercourse. We’re raised to understand that “real sex” is all about penile-vaginal intercourse.

There is no doubt that sexual intercourse is a staple in a majority of people’s sexual diets. Because most of us are raised to think that having intercourse is having sex, we build up huge anticipation about intercourse and prioritize it, whether we like it or not. One result of this is widespread sexual dissatisfaction for long term relationships and marriages.

Getting Beyond Intercourse

Still, it’s hard for people to get around this. Most of us don’t really challenge our status quo definition of sex until we have to. There are many times in our lives where intercourse stops “working” for us, and we might be forced to broaden our sexual horizons:

  • When two people have been in a long relationship and sex seems “boring”
  • If you or your partner are undergoing, preparing for, or recovering from medical treatment or procedures.
  • If you or your partner are dealing with depression, anxiety, or other acute mental health issues.
  • If you or your partner are living with chronic or temporary pain.

These are only a few examples of ordinary events and changes that happen in most of our lives that can impact the way we can, or want to, have intercourse. Whether you are currently living with one of these experiences, or if you’re just interested in getting more creative with your sex life, here are some ideas of how to explore sexual behavior and intimacy with your partner without having intercourse.

Sexual Touch

We tend to associate sexual touching with a sort of immature sexuality. Most of our earliest sexual experiences involve touching, often fumbling at first, trying to discover what our partners body feels like, what makes it excited, what it shrinks away from. This experimentation is often done in the dark, or in a hurry, and we don’t always get the chance to slowly and thoughtfully explore every inch of our partner’s body.

Having sex through touch can be an unbelievably intimate and powerful experience, as touch can convey so much: our love, our lust, our desire, our interest in knowing more, and experiencing more from our partner.

How to increase intimacy with sexual touch

Non-Verbal & Non Touching Intimate Sexual Connections

We communicate non verbally, and share energy with people around us all the time. When you’re around someone who is angry or anxious, you may pick up on that energy. When someone is gazing into your eyes with a look of desire, you may feel a tingle in your body, the thrill of being lusted after.

This sort of energy exchange occurs when we’re having sex too. Usually we don’t talk about it, and it just happens. It happens without our intent, but it comes out of the intensity of the sexual energy that is flowing inside of us.

Tapping into this energy, and using it intentionally, can offer sexual intimacy on a level that you have never experienced. All of this, from not having intercourse!

Exploring Spiritual Sex

Sexual Intimacy Through Talking

Classically, “dirty talk” is seen as a raunchy element of sex. It’s something you do to get your partner going, or it’s something you do while having sex. We all have an idea of what it is, but most of us are also nervous about doing it, and unsure about how it works, or how to do it well.

But there are far more ways to enjoy deep sexual intimacy and pleasure through language. Keeping your sex life hot is in part about learning how to take your partner to the point of extreme sexual intensity and not pushing them over the top, but letting them float there. From sharing sexy talk with your partner, to reading erotic stories to each other, to phone sex, to cyber sex, using your mind, and your mouth to draw your partner in and make a connection, can be a heady experience.

source: about.com

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